would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
false alarm, still single
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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