My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
