You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
