shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
