Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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