i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
