He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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