apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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