I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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