6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i dont even know how to be here
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
