You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
