did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
