dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
