last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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