there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
