hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
3 2 1 whiskey
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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