Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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