do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
