found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I forget how to act sober
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