The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just found puke in my bra..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
