it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
