dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
