If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
