I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
