He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
