Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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