And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
