I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
