If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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