i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
