i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
