Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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