His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
