Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
