So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
