i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
