The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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