Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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