Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
