I wish they made helmets for livers.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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