Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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