Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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