Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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