Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
