Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
