I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
