I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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