i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
