I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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