Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
