You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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