I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
