you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
